The topic of this blog is ... wait for it, the dreaded "A-word." No, not THAT a-word, if there even IS an a-word; I'm referring to "Accountability." This is sometimes a potentially awkward conversation I have with clients and students. Awkward, because I every once in a while feel that it is beneficial for clients to address this, if they are wrapped a little too tightly in that cocoon of denial, deflection, or disengagement -- DDD -- (I had to reach for that last D-word, I'm not going to lie). So why would I even want or need to have this conversation with a client/student? Well, when someone is paying for my services, I want them to get their money's worth. I want them to leave satisfied, in a better emotional place than when they arrived. Yes, I want repeat customers/students, but that is a very distant secondary motivation. I want to help people, because I've seen the changes that self-hypnosis and the all-encompassing Journey Within can bring about. I've seen them first-hand in my own life. This stuff works, but only if the client is willing to accept a general premise, when it is applicable (in 99.4% of the cases). And here is that premise:
You got yourself into this situation that you are not happy about. But guess what? You can get yourself out of it, too.
I don't say this to come across as a judgmental jerk. The only reason I even broach this subject is to drive home the point that our belief system, that deeply buried trove of our truths way down in our subconscious mind, is responsible for where we are in our lives. By that, I mean our belief system is the blueprint for our reality.
Don't believe you deserve to be attractive and healthy? That is a recipe for unhappiness, self-sabotage, and often, fighting one's weight.
Don't believe you are lovable? How many relationships have you sabotaged, and then felt immense remorse after you lost your guy/girl?
Does your belief system include what has been called a "consciousness of poverty?" If so, I'm going to venture a guess that you struggle with finances - often.
And the cruel irony of the subconscious belief system is that we are, mostly, completely oblivious to its existence, and much less aware of what the belief system actually consists of. Few people would choose to struggle with their bodies, their relationships, or their finances. But because the belief system of the subconscious is like this tenacious and unstoppable force, it will eventually bring to fruition the essence of its beliefs, time and again. And this results in the dreaded patterns of negativity that I often refer to. Negative patterns are a dead giveaway that someone's belief system needs a makeover. Dead. Giveaway.
And so this is where the accountability comes into play. You are most likely responsible for where you are. You willingly took that first puff of cigarette way back when, and you willingly lit the last one you smoked, all these years later. Maybe it's time to inject something new into your belief system, such as, "You deserve to live a long, healthy, happy life." I told a client I recently worked with to stop smoking that I don't know of any smokers who are happy with their status of being a smoker. Oh, they may still enjoy the physical act of ingesting nicotine into their bodies, as well as the ritual itself, but that's about it. It's impossible not to know the drawbacks of smoking these days.
If you are in between jobs/spouses/relationships for the umpteenth time, perhaps it's worth taking a look at your role in this revolving door? Again, I know I risk sounding pious and judgy here, and that is not my intent. Twelve years ago, when I had the "accountability speech" given to me, I can truthfully say that it was one of the most important epiphanies I have ever experienced. Seriously, it was one of those angels singing Hosanna! as a sunbeam bursts through a dark cover of clouds moment. I had felt a lot of bitterness at other people who were "bit players" in my series of life failures (ah, but were they really failures, or just lessons?!), and facing the realization that I was the one constant in all of those failures was not an easy pill to swallow (since it was the size of an anvil, roughly), but when I did come to that moment of taking responsibility for my own actions, it was like this thousand pound gorilla finally decided to hop off of my back. I still blame that SOB for my slightly stooped shoulders; I carried his rear end around for years! That epiphany I experienced is the moment i want my clients to experience, before we go about the business of inserting new beliefs into the belief system. Why? Because knowing that their own beliefs and behavior played a part in their demise motivates them towards a new direction They want to "un-do" what they've done, and it's a very cool thing to see. Hypnosis will absolutely work without emotional motivation ... but it's about a thousand times more powerful when it's present. And it's more fun for the client, too. Therefore, I do my best to stir it up in my clients, so they can associate the change they want in their life, with the powerful motivation they just summoned (and if I have my way, sustain!).
Accountability has a bad rap, I think. People associate it with "blame." Being blamed for something bad isn't normally something we strive for in our careers or relationships. But for my money, accountability is ... strength. It is owning up to your actions, and that takes courage. It is acknowledging your role in something that you are not enjoying, and that also takes courage. And once you show this courage and own up, I believe this is a vital catalyst for change. Accountability requires another a-word: Awareness. And awareness, my friend, is the first step towards change. Being self-aware and accountable frees up the denial and deflection, and allows you to move forward, freely.
For now, think about your life, and what role you have played in your current position. You have more control than you may give yourself credit for. But as you move towards freeing yourself of old lies and half-truths, don't unnecessarily punish yourself. Dealing with residual guilt in this type of situation is a blog topic for another day, but I would be happy to discuss your belief system, and how hypnosis can facilitate immediate changes to it. In the meantime, as always, remember to take it easy on yourself...